Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Sterile Cup

Yesterday I had an experience with the kids that made me think WTF while it was happening, and has left me laughing about it after the fact. A little pre-story; Brooke has been telling me her "gina" hurt for a few days. So, we made an appointment to see their pediatrician bright and early yesterday morning. We amazingly made it on time with coffee, two smoothies, a can of La Croix, and two bacon sammies in hand. After getting the run down from the nurse, we worked on getting down to business. If you have ever had to get a urine sample from a toddler, I'm sure you know how not easy it is. Telling them they need to pee in a cup doesn't exactly work.

Visit 1 - Brooke says she needs to go. We sterilize and then sit on the toilet. She doesn't need to go, but doesn't want to get off the toilet. I'm sitting on the floor of the bathroom, holding her up and hoping by some miracle we'll actually be able to get a sample. She's been refusing to go on the toilet for a few days now. Meanwhile, Harrison is trying to open and close the door to the bathroom while B still has her pants down. 

We head back to the check up room, and I try to convince Brooke she needs to drink her smoothie or the water I brought. She takes a few sips of water and asks for her sandwich. I tell her she has to go potty before she can eat her sandwich. She says she needs to go, which I know she doesn't yet, but we head to the bathroom anyway.

Visit 2 - Sterilize again, get her on the toilet, and I'm back to sitting on the bathroom floor. I'm holding her up, trying to make sure the cup is ready but that I don't touch the inside, and making sure Harrison doesn't open the door to show everyone B's naked booty and the shit show that is going on in the pediatrician's bathroom. Brooke doesn't need to go, but insists she does because she wants to eat that bacon sandwich in the other room. Good job on my part. :/ 

She is now hugging me and stroking my hair. A super sweet gesture, but maybe better for when we're not on the toilet. Harrison sees the love fest, and joins in. He's now sitting on the floor, stroking my back, and telling me he loves me too. Where is all of this sweetness when we're at home and not in a semi public bathroom? This lasts for a good 5 minutes. Harrison stops with the mini massage, and I turn around to see him laying down on the bathroom floor, cheek smushed against the vinyl tile. And with that, visit two is over. Still no sample.

I am finally able to convince B to take more than tiny sips from our water. She works on drinking half a can of water that, "has oranges in it," according to her, while I read them a nursery rhyme book. 10 minutes later the water is gone, partly thanks to Harrison, and their pedi has come in for a physical exam. Everything looks good, but we still have no sample. Back to force feeding my kid water. I refill the can from the faucet, she drinks a little more water, we finish the book, and head back to the bathroom.

Visit 3 - This time I find the step stool make a great seat, so no more floor for me. Harrison is trying to let any passersby into the bathroom again, and I am trying to make sure I don't miss the big event while telling him to leave the door alone. This visit ends with barely enough sample for them to test. Thank God. The kids finally get to have their sandwiches, and I can drink my now cold coffee and breath a sigh of relief that this is over. I'm praying we didn't contaminate the cup during the process, otherwise we may get to do this all over again tomorrow.

While we were headed back out to the van, we noticed a few trees in the lobby, so we stopped to look at them. One of the trees was adorned with Mega Blocks tied up with white ribbon. I thought it was a cute, creative tree. Then I noticed some of the blocks had names and dates written on them. Our pediatricians office is connected to the children's hospital. Friends and family were able to write names and messages for their children who were being treated at the hospital, and for those who had passed on to meet their maker. I thought it was such a beautiful way to remember these children that I wanted to share.  It also made me realize that what we went through in the pedi's office is nothing compared to what these children go through on a daily basis. I pray for theirs, and their parent's strength as they undergo tests and treatments. And I hope they get to experience the joy of this Holiday season.

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